Friday, June 06, 2008

Honesty or Complaing?

Today we took Emma to the veterinarian and I really like this woman. I think we would probably be friends if we had time to get to know each other. One of the things that made her so endearing to me today was the conversation we had on motherhood. She said the first year of having two kids was one of the hardest of her life. This may sound sadistic, but I love it when mothers talk about how hard motherhood is. Maybe that's not totally true, but it's always nice to know that someone has been in the same boat as you or also finds the thing you are going through to be hard. It's always nice to know you are not the only one.

I am generally pretty honest when it comes to motherhood. Although I think it is the greatest job in the world I also think it's the hardest. When I talk to people I am honest about what I go through, both the good and the bad. I think it's important when talking to other mothers to let them know what a challenge motherhood can be. I don't sensor myself dependant on who I am talking to, whether it's my neighboor who I have just met or someone I've known for a while. I seem to have lots of experiences with this lately as I interact with lots of mothers and being a mother is my main job right now. Now some may call it commiserating or complaining, but I call it being honest.

I think it's also my sensitivity to not make people feel bad. It's always hard to hear when someone has the whole parenting gig down pat when you were up 3 times in the night with your little one. The other factor is maybe people do love babies and the baby stage, but I find it hard. A couple of weekends ago I was at a baby shower, not for me, although I did bring my baby, but for a bunch of my old students who now work as x-ray technologists. I attempt to start a conversation about the challenges of motherhood. Were they feeling lonely with the change from working to being at home? No, not at all. Were they tired from the late nights? No they were use to it. Guess I was knocking at the wrong doors to discuss the challenges. But I wanted to let these first time moms know that motherhood can be hard and if they were finding it hard that was normal. Maybe some people do everything right and don't have any challenges, maybe there kids sleep through the night and never cry. But I doubt it..... why not talk about it, or maybe I'm just not the right person to talk about it with?

I met with my mommies group today and we have all gone through 2 children together. We are all pretty honest on how it's going. How we are much more relaxed with our second babies, but are all having challenges with our older ones. It's nice to know that other people are going through the same things as Lucas and I. Therefore I guess I don't feel like I am really complaining about motherhood, just being honest.

Till Tomorrow



Peanut Butter and Jelly Boats said...

I think hearing that other moms are going through the same things helps keep my sanity. I love the baby stage but it sure does have it's challenges!

beth - total mom haircut said...

Oh my goodness, YES! You HAVE to hear from others that it is hard and know you're not crazy! And I always sense such a relief from other moms when I let them know how challenging I find it to be sometimes.

Allie said...

I always find the moms that I meet who claim that all is rosey and easy in Motherhood, are the ones with children who may be older. It is then, I secretly wonder whether or not their long term memory loss could be attributed to the stress and insecurities that I have felt in my trying moments as a Mom. :)