Well this is going to be a tough newsletter to write to you. Generally newsletters are filled with happy memories and all of the things you've accomplished in the month or things that you are into. The thing is in the past month the thing that really stands out for me about you is how I feel like I'm neglecting you, disciplining you and you now prefer everyone else to your mother.
I had a good cry about this last week and your Dad put it into perspective, but it still is very challenging this transistion we are going through. I am learning to be a mother to two boys and you are learning how to share your mother with a very needy person. But you had always been quite loyal to me. Yes, you love all the family around you, but at night when you called out it was always my name, if your Dad went in, it just wasn't the same. We had so much fun together and you loved to spend time with me. Granted you are now having to spend more time with me, and we still do have fun, but I can see your independance from me. Part of me is so happy that you love to spend time with your Dad, Grandma and Pop and your Aunts. But it breaks my heart when you cry because you are being dropped off at home with me. Or when you tell me to go away when I come into the room where you are playing with someone else. Or when you cry that I am doing tubbing and not Daddy. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I miss being at the top of your list of people to spend time with.
Again generally in this newsletter I mention all your accomplishments, but with the advent of Nathan, you seem to want to be a baby again. I know all the books say this is going to happen and I expect it, but I'm still finding it a bit challenging not to lose my temper when you are acting this way. Don't get me wrong, you are still such a great kid. If I need a nap in the afternoon, you are willing to play quietly so I can sleep. When I ask you to get something for me, you are quite willing to do that.
One thing that has changed this month is your need/ability to apolgize. You are really learning a sense of right and wrong. You know that when you spill something, or break something that is bad. You'll often ask if Dad will be mad (even if it's my nailpolish you break). You apoligize to us when we get you in trouble. I am grateful for you sense of regret for doing something wrong and although you often don't learn things the first time you get in trouble, it often doesn't take too many tries. Time outs are few and far between, but are an effective punshiment if we need to use them. I remember as a kid, the warning of getting a spanking and glad that timeouts are just as effective.
I am really trying to do fun things with you. We have still managed to go to the Science center, zoo, library, Playtopia and the park numerous times this month. We often spend time in the evenings riding your bike around the pond. But even though I work hard at making being home with me fun times, I still feel like I'm neglecting you, which I probably am, but it's just something we are both going to have to learn to deal with.....
I cut your hair, all by myself.
No matter what Lucas I love you more then I ever knew it was possible to love another. I hope in the end, wheter that is a couple of months or a couple of years you will be glad to have a sibling and this difficult transistion we are going through right now will be a distant memory and something that only monthly newsletter recall. That the advantages to having a playmate and this other person in your life outweigh the challenges.