Today was my 6 week check up. I quite like my family doctor, he is very soft spoken, loves kids and is very kind. But I think part of him would like to be a therapist. He is always very concerned about his patients feelings, which I know is a common thing for a 6 week visit, but he always asks about my "emotional health". Today when he asked I talk about things I wrote in the monthly newsletter about the feeling of neglecting one child while I was tending to the other. I expected him to tell me it would get better as Nathan got older, but he told me the opposite, that as they get older it gets harder. He talked about himself going camping with his kids and although they were together as a family, the kids have different interests, so he has to split his time with them. I just find life to be much easier when there is just one. Like today Lucas is at his dayhome and I can focus all my attention on Nathan. Or when Darryl's home and we can divide and conquer. He also talked about how part of parenting is teaching your kids independence. That Lucas can't always be mothered. They need to know I'll always be there for them, but they don't always need me there. It was a really interesting perspective. It certainly made me think I am not having any more kids, or at least waiting until these kids are in school. It's okay now because Darryl and I can play one on one, but if the kids outnumber the adults.....
So tell me parents, does it get easier, was the doctor pulling my chain? Or do you always feel torn between your kids?
Till Tomorrow
Jenn
6 comments:
I still think one is much easier than two, but my girls are just 2 and 3, so I'm not too sure. I still feel torn. But, I look forward to one on one time with each child. When it's the two of them and just me, it is a lot of work, but it's gotten easier over the last year...
no idea
Well, not that I know because i'm in your boat, but I'm pretty sure we'll be feeling torn from here on out. Probably not to this extreme though.
And OH MY GOODNESS - I'm looking at those pictures down there and he looks EXACTLY like you! You must hear that all the time, but it's really amazing. And sorry to scare you about the threes. I think part of my problem is that Sam might have been an easy two...I've also been trying some new tactics and am starting to think that this had more to do with teh move than I realized.
With 4, I feel that tug constantly! I'm always worried about giving each one the attn. they need from me.
At the first shock of being a Mom to two children, I was incredibly torn and full of guilt. But as I adjusted and the kids adjusted, we got better. From day one, I have always made a point to tell both of the kids that it was say Kaelen's turn if he needed comforted and vica versa and to give Mommy just a moment. And now, that they are both older, I tell them that Mommy's were made with two arms and legs and that the right side was Kaelen's and the left Masyn's. So, they now crawl into my lap and Kaelen reiterates that statement. I try to give them each their moments alone with me, and of late, Masyn is such an early riser that the mornings are our times and the nights after Masyn is in bed are Kaelen's times. Other than that, the three of us have become a cohesive team and want to all be together all of the time.
For me, especially of late, I feel like I am neglecting both of them with having to work. I am riddled with guilt and borderline depressed about it. I try to keep the happy face on, but it is hard.
When my youngest naps then the oldest gets time with me. And my youngest stays up later at night than the oldest so then he gets time with me. I feel like it all works out. But I know what you mean about kids outnumbering parents! I still can't decide if we should have a third or not.
And the youngest knows no different than sharing me and the oldest was too young when the baby came along to really remember being alone with me so I think they realize this is just how life is. At least if I think of it that way then I don't have such guilt!
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