Since I Have Both Hands To Type, here's a post

So this blog may be a little boring for some of you for the next month. There will be nothing insightful or anything to make you ponder life. It will mostly be a recording of what I do and how I feel in this first month. It's all a blur from when Lucas was born so I'd like to do a better job of recording it this time. Also I'm sure as I go back and read this I will be able to tell my emotions are all over the map.

So far in this first week the mornings have been good. It's amazing how I can have a different perspective after getting some sleep. Evenings are the worst. I have gone into Lucas's room once he's sleeping and tears have fallen down my cheeks thinking about how much easier it is to have a 2 year old compared to a newborn.

Breastfeeding is going well now, but in the first couple of days it was really hard. I wasn't latching him properly and my nipples were all cracked. But I went to see a lactation consultant who was excellent. It is going much better now, for anyone who reads this who may be having trouble nursing I would recommend trying the football hold. It has really helped me to bring Nathan to me rather then me to him.

Darryl and I have also found a sleeping routine that seems to be working for us. Darryl takes the first "shift". We are sleeping with him in his nursery/guest room. The bed there is up against the wall so to put him, between us and the bed I feel safe about. We can also have a good chair for nursing up there. I am able to do the rest of the night, with Nathan eating every 2 hours and then we are able to sleep for an hour and a half before doing it all again.

We were at the doctors today worried about his umbilical cord, but everything is a-okay. It's not infected. He also has quite the bum rash. If anyone has any good advice about bum rashes I'd love to hear it. We had been using Penaten cream, but that didn't seem to be helping, so someone suggested cornstarch, which does seem to have dried it up a bit. We are heading to the doctor again tomorrow morning for our one week check up so I'm hoping the doctor will have some insight for us.

My milk came in much quicker this time. I remember last time it seemed to take forever. The thing that I forgot about is how my breast react to different things. If Nathan is crying they start leaking or even if I feel really upset or happy about something they starting leaking. The other day mom had made us dinner and at some point both of my parents looked at Nathan with love in their eyes and my breast start leaking. Breast pads have become my good friends. =).

I am feeling like not a very good mother to Lucas. So much of my time is now being taken with feedings of Nathan that I'm not about to spend as much time with Lucas and when we do spend time together it's limited by having to go feed. I know this will get better as feeds are bigger and further between. And when I can feed and do something else at the same time. But for the moment I've lost time with my little boy. He has moved from a mommy's boy to a daddy's boy. When he does ask for mommy to do something it makes my heart jump a little. When he tells me to go back inside or back upstairs it makes my heart sink a little. I know none of this is on purpose to help or hurt my feelings, just a boy being a boy. But I do miss the relationship we had.

I hope you are all doing well. I'm keeping up with everyone's blogs, although probably not commenting because of the one handed typing.

Till Tomorrow, or the next opportunity.

Jenn