Monday, April 12, 2010

Love and Marriage

I mistakenly thought today was the wedding anniversary of two people I really admire. While thinking about them today I had this great post in my head about what a good representation of marriage should be, then I found out nope I had missed their anniversary it was 2 weeks ago. That's why this is not a post on the importance of remembering people's special dates, but on a marriage I look up to.

Some people seem to go through really big obstacles. Sometimes it's when you are young, or a teenager and sometimes it's when you are older. I think the time it would be the most challenging is when you are first married. It's a time when you are trying to blend your two lives and your two families. I remember it being a really fun time for Darryl and I, but also hard to learn each others quirks and getting over the things that drove each other crazy. But when you are faced with some of life's biggest challenges and when your dreams are taken away from you. I think it would be easy to walk away. But neither of them did. They stuck with it.

So in chatting with this couple about marriage here is what they think the key is:

We've always said that although everyone thinks love is the most important thing in a marriage, we disagree. We think you have to really LIKE each other, enjoy each others company immensely and be great friends FIRST...then if you also love each other, you'll probably stand the test of time.

There is an idea out there that marriage is always love and happy and roses. But as everyone in a marriage knows that is not the case. There are hard times. And most of us have average hard times. Darryl and I get upset over expectations or how our time is spent or seeing differently on an issue. But when it's life and death I can imagine it would be overwhelming. Of course sometimes there are times when it is better to leave, like if there is abuse. But usually most of the time I think people find something more appealing they are not getting from their own marriage and rather then putting the time into what they have they put it into what they think they can have.

So yeah, I think these people are admirable and I try to emulate them in my own marriage. Rather then focusing on the negative they put the time and the positive attitude into their own marriage. I think sometimes the hard choice can be to stay and I respect it when people do, through sickness and health.

Till Tomorrow



Goofball said...

isn't that what wedding vows are about? not the promise that all will be always sweet & harmony, but the promise not to give up when things are harder?

Lori said...

Jenn, that's a lovely post. I think you're right. Too many people (and I think it's increasing with each generation) have idealistic views of what they think marriage is like and with divorce being so common, when the going gets tough, they give up and get going.
I wish more people thought of marriage as "who do I want to be with for all of the mundane crap that we deal with every day in normal life?" When you have someone that you can enjoy all of the drudgery with and laugh about it...they're probably a good candidate for a spouse!