Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Too Harsh?

Lucas has a love/not love relationship with his brother. (we don't really use the word hate in this house- it may sound stupid, but I don't really like that word, think it's too harsh, although that's not the point of the title of this post.. anyway) He love to make him laugh, he loves to play peek a boo. He loves to go in after his nap and bounce in his bed with him. But the more and more Nathan is mobile the harder it is for Lucas to share all of his toys with Nathan. It was getting ridiculous. Every toy Nathan was playing with Lucas would grab out of his hands. This would make Nathan scream and cry. I would console Nathan and get Lucas to give back the toy. Two minutes later this would happen again and we would be doing it all again. We tried to talk to him about trading toys with Nathan, because Nathan is not that picky. But he would grab the toy from Nathan and then when Nathan would cry, he'd throw some random toy at him.

So on Monday I was so frustrated with Lucas's lack of patience and respect. That I warned him the next time he took a toy from Nathan that toy was going in the garbage. And of course it happened. So there was one of his monster trucks going in the garbage. He cried and cried. He went down stairs and talked to Darryl. Before going to bed he named it as his least favorite thing of the day.

So was it too harsh?

It certainly was effective. I haven't had to throw out and more toys.

Till Tomorrow



Lesley said...

I just did the same thing with Alex last week. The boys picked out toy guns at the dollar store and were acting up so I told them they couldn't have them that night. The next morning they got their guns and I said 'there's only one rule - do not point them at anyone, not mom or dad, your brother, the dog or your friends'. Well, Jon walked in 5 minutes later, Alex pointed it at him to pretend to shoot and I threw them in the garbage. I had a very sad son, but if I'd given in he wouldn't have learned that I meant business. Some rules aren't supposed to be broken.

I think you made the right choice and I think Lucas will think twice if he hears the words toys and garbage in the same sentence in the future. Nobody said parenting was easy that's for sure!

Lori said...

Jenn...I definitely do not think that was too harsh. As parents, it's only natural to want to give our kids everything but sometimes the best thing we can give our kids is the realization that things can be taken away. They quickly learn that Mom and Dad really do mean business and that the belongings they enjoy are a privilege not a right. It's a lesson we have to repeat over and over again throughout the years but once they reach adulthood all of our parenting efforts will be well worth it.

I know you doubt yourself sometimes but as always, you're doing a terrific job with your boys.

Anonymous said...

Aaron said his mom would do the same thing except she said she would give the toy to a children's charity where "good boys & girls" would appreciate the toy and play nicely together.


Goofball said...

no I think that was consistent and effective parenting. Children must learn that their choices have consequences that they can control themselves.

I would have done the same even though it would make my heart bleed. Maybe I'd just hide the toy for many many months make a reapparence on a moment he really deserves a reward. Not sure.

Allie said...

Too harsh? No I don't think so. Nothing is more frustrating as a parent when patient talking and explanation is getting you no where. For some parents, the words are effective, however some kids (such as mine), the words don't always work hence action needs to be taken. I would have done the same thing too. I have had to do that with Kaelen and thankfully, it has only happened once because it has never happened again.

Believe in yourself as a parent because your inner Mommy voice knows best. Not everyone will agree with your decisions, but know that your decisions are the best ones for your family.