Well today is the last day of my maternity leave. I feel so sad already and I haven't even gone back to work. This year and been the most difficult but also the most amazing year of my life. I went from having no idea how to raise a child, breastfeed, not get 8 hours of sleep a night to someone who can do all of that and so much more.
There are so many things I am going to miss about not being at home. I will miss never having to set an alarm, because I wake when the baby wakes. I will miss life being at a slower pace. When being at home if something doesn't get done one day, you can do it the next. I will miss having different chores done on different days. Mondays is garbage, Tuesday's bathrooms. I will miss watching YandR every afternoon while Lucas naps. I will miss blogging in the afternoons.
Of course the thing I will miss the most is speding everyday with my boy. I learned this year about a love I never thought possible. That a toothy smile could make my whole day. The Lucas's laugh is the best thing in the world. That being his mommy made me feel like I could float. That being a parent takes patience and perserverance. I will miss snuggling when I give him his bottle. I will miss Sesame Street and kids songs playing all day. I will miss Gymboree and mommy group. I know it's all about quality and not quanity, but I will miss quanity. I will miss being his playmate. I will miss that I don't get to see all the new things when they happen. I will miss Lucas.
Of course I know rationally this is what is best, but my heart is having trouble with it.
Till Tommorrow (and a blog from work?)
Jenn
5 comments:
So, how did your day go?
I remember the time when I returned to work full-time after taking care of my now 3-year old for a year.
He wailed when I left him in daycare. I, following the advice of what I’ve read about the first day in daycare, remained calm. I said, “Bye-bye. See you later, OK?” Then I spent 5 minutes inside my car thinking, “Oh no, what am I doing?”
I went to work nonetheless, and spent the whole day miserable. He must still be wailing, I told myself.
A minute before 5:00 p.m., I raced back to my son. I saw him playing, giggling.
He looked at me and said, “Da-da?”
http://somethingaboutparenting.blogspot.com/
I know it will be a toughy to leave your son at a dayhome, but rest assured you picked a great one and I can even take pictures of Lucas and his new friends!
It's tough making that first break, but this is too is part of Lucas's development. I see what a great job you and D. have done raising my beautiful grandson and I am proud of all of you both individually and as a family. This is the beginning of new phase in parenting and I am sure that you will handle that as well at the difficult but joyful first year. Love you all very much.
Grandma
The adjustment will take a little while, but you will be fine. I know it's hard...I've done it twice now. And, unfortunately, here in the US we don't get as much time for maternity leave, so I'm very jealous you got to stay at home for that long. It must have been so nice to have all of that bonding time. But I know how hard it is to leave your little one.
I'm anxious for an update as to how your week has been. Hang in there! :-)
Take care,
Jenna
What's amazing to me is that you got a year of maternity leave! We don't get that in the US (well unless you just leave your job). They save your job for you and everything? Wow. What are we doing wrong here? Probably a LOT.
It will get easier, you all will adjust and it's not the amount of time you spend with him (although kind of it is) but it's what you do with that time; you know? Make it count. Make it really count.
It still unnerves me to see someone who spells their name like me who also has a son named Lucas. Of course, you know my story and your ending is far happier so do cherish your time. Now that our new baby (who on the Internet/my blog I call "the littlest") is here, happier times have taken our hands again and held them tightly. Sometimes I let go of the hands out of guilt. But I get my senses again, and grab those hands, it's a constant push and pull.
I'm glad there is a happy Jenn and Lucas out there somewhere. I think he's adorable. Maybe one day I'll share a picture of my Lucas with you (before he passed away). He was special too.
Be well and don't worry, it'll all work out.
Jenn
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